CHILDHOOD TRAUMA IN AFRICA

        Some stories are told without words or even whimpers. Some stories are told through silence and signs, tearful eyes, a small bruise, oppression, fear, grief.

         Some stories are told with a flinch too, But how exactly do you tell any type of story to a world that has chosen to be deaf, dumb, and blind?

         We’ve turned it into normality. Kids into experiments, Africa what are you doing? You are becoming a factory for intentionally modified monsters, kidnappers, and rapists. The circle continues, the father passes it on to the child, mother to her offspring.

        You call it discipline.

 “They will not remember it, they are too young,we are doing it for their good”

        Don’t spare the rod, but please spare the mind. 

Because the mind is too weak, too fragile, too frail. 

        When you hurt a child between 0-18 years in an abusive way; Physically, mentally, emotionally, and psychologically, You didn’t just hurt that child, no, it’s way beyond that.

        You have hurt millions of people and generations to come, because a child will only know what you teach, and if you teach them the language of pain, they will teach their kids too.

“My parents taught me that way and I didn’t die”

         What makes you think everyone is like you? You are not God. They aren’t made in your image but God’s image. Your problem is that you assume things. You think you know the person, you think you know what is good for them. You think your choices are best but sometimes they are not.

          You are so confident in believing that you know everything so much so you do not even try to understand them, one...two...three...four... five... six...seven...eight... nine... ten...eighteen years and you do not even know your child.

           If you think abuse is physical then you are wrong. If you think childhood trauma does not exist then I suggest you come down from your high horse and see just how many relationships you ruined. 

           Emotional abuse is more deadly than physical abuse because it is harder to detect. Or even believe.

           How will you feel, when after you pass on those aggressions and pains and words, years pass by and the only thing your offspring remembers of you are those events because you never showed them any better.

            You say it is for the future, you are making them strong, but, what about the present? That is what we remember in the future right?

            “Children and teenagers should not express their emotions because are too young to feel them. They can’t be depressed, they are just seeking attention. They can’t be bullied. That’s not possible, among their equals? They weren’t touched in their no-no places, it is not realistic right?”

            Know that every time you gaslight a child’s feelings, they become distant from you emotionally. This is why parents raise a child for so many years, yet they can’t even recognize them.

             Because every single time you denied them the ability to introduce themselves to you, you compare them to people they don’t even know! So they don’t even have an identity because you stole that right.

            According to the National Institute of Mental Health, childhood trauma is defined as:   “The experience of an event by a child that is emotionally painful or distressful, which often results in lasting mental and physical effects.”

            Childhood trauma is majorly caused by ACE’s 

           Adverse childhood experiences (ACE) are traumatic experiences that have occurred during the age gap of 0-18 years and caused psychological, physical, mental, and emotional damages to the child.

         An ACE is a negative or potentially traumatic event that occurs before a person reaches 18 years of age. ACEs can damage a child’s sense of safety, stability, or bonding.

        Although adults often say things like, “He was so young when that happened; he won’t even remember it as an adult,” childhood trauma can have a lifelong effect. And while kids are resilient, they’re not made of stone.

        That does not mean your child will be emotionally scarred for life if they endure a horrific experience. But it’s important to recognize when your child may need professional help with dealing with trauma. Early intervention may even prevent your child from experiencing the ongoing effects of the trauma as an adult.

        The first step is accepting that your child may be suffering from trauma.

        Physical or sexual abuse, for example, can be traumatic for children. One-time events like a car accident, natural disaster (like a hurricane), or medical trauma can take a psychological toll on children as well.

        Ongoing stress, such as living in a dangerous neighborhood or being the victim of bullying, being verbally or non verbally abused can be traumatic, even if it just feels like daily life to an adult.

        Childhood trauma also doesn’t have to occur directly to the child. For instance, watching a loved one suffer can be extremely traumatic as well. Exposure to violent media can also traumatize children

        Using physical force or causing physical injury is not required for an act to be considered sexual abuse of a child. Legally, any sexual act between a child under the age of consent (which varies from state to state) and an adult is considered sexual abuse because children cannot provide consent.

         So stop waiting till you see long marks before you believe your child!

         Many children are exposed to traumatic events at one point or another. While most of them experience distress following a traumatic event, the majority of them return to a normal state of functioning in a relatively short period. Some kids are much less affected by their circumstances than others. While some who are continuously reminded of it, tend to be more affected

         This might be the right time to stop speaking ill of people who suddenly break down. You have no clue what they are going through.

        Between 3% and 15% of girls and 1% to 6% of boys— develop post-traumatic stress disorder following traumatic events 

        Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a mental health condition in which people experience a variety of symptoms following exposure to a traumatic event. These may include flashbacks, nightmares, intrusive thoughts, anxiety, avoidance, and changes in mood and thinking.

        Children with PTSD may re-experience the trauma  in their minds over and over again. They may also avoid anything that reminds them of the trauma or they may re-enact their trauma in their play.

“When I struggled with bullying, I went through something similar to this, I would have violent flashbacks where I could not breathe and I felt like I was in the school and vulnerable. I would spend time shaking and being terrified. I tried to avoid the thoughts and nightmares too. Because they were plaguing. I suffered through bullying for six years and developed depression as well.”

      Over time, I have gotten better and I am stable.

      Sometimes children believe they missed warning signs predicting the traumatic event. To prevent future traumas, they become hyper vigilant in looking for warning signs that something bad is going to happen again.

      Some symptoms of PTSD I can recall are; Anger, Aggression, Anxiety, depression, trust issues, fear, isolation, low self-esteem, destructive behaviors. 

      Even children who don’t develop PTSD may still exhibit emotional and behavioral issues following a traumatic experience. Here are some things to watch out for during the weeks and months after an upsetting event:

         Anger issues, Attention problems, Changes in appetite, development of new fears, increased thoughts of death and safety, loss of interest, irritability, sleeping problems, sadness, school refusal, somatic complaints like headaches, and stomach aches.

       Traumatic events can affect how a child's brain develops and that can have lifelong consequences. A study published in 2015 showed that the more adverse childhood experiences a person has, the higher their risk of health and wellness problems later in life.

      Childhood trauma is one of the most widely spoken issues but yet the least expressed or acted on.  It's like one of the many mental health issues we have decided to sweep under the rug because it's too much to handle 

        After all, it's easier to believe it doesn’t exist than accept it’s happening to someone close to you. 

      Childhood trauma may increase an individual’s risk of Asthma, coronary heart disease, depression, diabetics, stroke.

      A study published in 2016 in Psychiatric Times noted that the prevalence of suicide attempts was significantly higher in adults who experienced trauma, such as physical abuse, sexual abuse, and parental domestic violence, as a child.

          A child’s relationship with their caregiver—whether their parents, grandparents or otherwise—is vital to their emotional and physical health. This relationship and attachment help the little one learn to trust others, manage emotions, and interact with the world around them.

         When a child experiences a trauma that teaches them that they cannot trust or rely on that caregiver, however, they're likely to believe that the world around them is a scary place and all adults are dangerous—and that makes it incredibly difficult to form relationships throughout their childhood, including with peers their age, and into the adult years.

            Children who struggle to maintain healthy attachments to caregivers are also likely to struggle with romantic relationships during adulthood. A 2008 Australian study of more than 21,000 child abuse survivors age 60 and older reported a higher rate of failed marriages and relationships.

          Here’s how you can support your child emotionally; Ensure that they know how much you love and care about them, show support in their dreams, talents, and goals. Respect their thoughts and feelings. 

People aren’t looking for attention By trying to survive in the toxic environment that we as humans created for them while growing up.

Childhood trauma is real, the sooner we all accept it and start taking actions towards it the better

       Oyindasola Asiwajudada is a mental health advocate and creative writer dedicated to spreading awareness on mental health.  She is the founder of a mental health foundation (MHSS) A non governmental organization dedicated to supporting teenagers and young adults and creating awareness on mental health, to know more or reach out to her, feel free to check out her social media platforms